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Reflective - on breastfeeding and sleeping. April 2012

I breastfeed. Smiley baby is nine months old, and has woken twice a night, almost every night, to feed. Until he was six months old he fed just from me, every two hours. Every two hours for six months.

I never really intended to do a breastfeeding post. You see, it's something I do, but it's not something I see as character defining. It doesn't make me a better, more connected, more organic, more thoughtful, more middle class, more engaged, more caring mother than the many others who don't breastfeed. It doesn't make me feel as if I belong more fully into that allusive club of mothers who seem to know what they're doing and that they're doing it right. I am not a lactavist, a tiger mother or an earth mother. My breastfeeding does not come in a package with baby wearing, co-sleeping and organic, handmade baby led weaning. I have, of course, tried all of these things, but I have also got a buggy, a cot, and son who, in between injesting immunity boosting white blood cells enjoys wotsits, chips and has been spoonfed Mr. Whippy. What I'm saying is I have a 'I'll try anything if it works' approach to parenting, and this extends to the way my youngest child has been fed.

It didn't work for Curlyhead. After four weeks of tearful feeds, anxiety every time my sleeping baby stirred and real belief I was going to lose a nipple, I reached for the cow and gate and didn't look back. But just minutes after smileybaby was born he fed from me comfortably and hungrily, and  I was lucky enough that this way of feeding him worked.

So you see, I didn't feel like the fact I breastfeed made my life different from if I had chosen to bottlefeed, other than that it's arguably more convenient and definately cheaper. But I think I was wrong.

Because it is different, and not least because of the night feeds. Of course, with curlyhead we had some night feeds, but not many. This is often  the case with formula fed babies, and is attributed to formula milk filling babies up more, and there is possibly some truth to this.  However I think it's more complicated than that. When you formula feed, to feed in the night involves a lights-on trip to a cold kitchen, it involves counting formula scoops at 3am which sounds easy until you've tried it and realise that counting to seven when you're sleep deprived and listening to a hungry baby is surprisingly tricky. It involves doing all this while a baby is crying, and you can't soothe them, so often both parents are awake. Alternatively, nightfeeds with a breastfed baby involve picking up your crying baby, then snuggling back into bed with them, letting them latch on and their warm body relax against yours, and letting the warm oxytocin lull you back to sleep. It's unsurprising then, that breastfed babies do seem to wake through the night for longer than formula fed. I know this has influenced the sleeping patterns of both of my children.

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